Everyone has ‘stuff’ – it’s part of being human. When we stop taking responsibility for other people’s ‘stuff’ as well as stop shifting responsibility to others for our ‘stuff’, space is created for a new way of relating. A sense of freedom grows that is priceless.
For natural givers, it can be easy to take the blame and responsibility when someone criticizes and blames you for their feelings. You can allow yourself to be controlled in this way. Also, you can feel resentment toward them – a signal that you are participating in the Blame Game.
The readiness to be over-responsible encourages you to become disconnected to your own feelings and wants. Instead, you are out there – taking care of, pleasing and, in the end, ‘trying’ to control or manipulate others. A dynamic occurs that can get messy.
If such thoughts pass your mind like “I was only trying to help”, “I’m trying my best to be good”, “I really want this for them – and, yes, it will really help me if they make this change, too” – you are in this territory.
Take a moment to close your eyes and become aware of the inhaling and exhaling of your breath. Ask yourself: What are the ways that I control others so that I will feel better? From this place of self-honesty and openness, what do you notice? What do you want for yourself?
I am willing to accept that other people’s reactions are their own responsibility. I notice what is different for me at a body level and in my behaviour when I come from this new place. I relate to others instead of try to control them.
Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is deeply committed to sparking the hearts of women and men to experience an inner confidence – that sense of wholeness, aliveness, and serenity that comes from deeply knowing yourself, fully accepting the lightness and darkness of being human, and living freely by standing in your own truth.
In her coaching practice, Jeannie leads groups and works one-on-one with an international clientele.To find out more about Jeannie, please visit her websites, www.innerconfidencecoaching.com and www.coachingcircles.ca
Take action by setting up a complimentary consultation today.
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