Hi everyone! For me, it feels like September is the beginning of a new year instead of January. This issue is the beginning of the second year of my newsletters. I love writing them and enjoy watching new subscribers join us on almost a daily basis. Remember that claiming your life as your own is a process, so very gently and lovingly join with me on this journey... Taking Down Walls Our walls or protective shields are the focus of this month’s newsletter. The use of the word “protection” here is different than what would show up in an insurance policy, house alarm company, or in an article about practical ways to prevent physical harm. What is being explored here is the use of ‘protection’ in the feeling sense. I’ve often heard people say, “I have to protect myself” when they talk about the possibility of getting emotionally hurt by a person’s words and actions or being around energy that might be considered toxic and negative. To what degree have you shared this belief? How common is it for you to feel self-protective? Notice how your body feels when you simply say the word. Does the word itself increase or decrease your energy? When it’s accompanied by the belief that you must protect yourself, what else do you notice? Does your body tense up or relax? What happens to your heart? Does it expand, contract or go numb? In other words, when we come from the perspective that we have to protect ourselves, are we living in fear or love? Does the intention to protect ourselves come from judgment, or is it about embracing all that happens to us? The words and actions of those around us can impact us in painful and uncomfortable ways - there’s no doubt that that is true for all of us. Emotional triggers are part of life. In these circumstances, it is natural for us to try our best to protect ourselves. We try to control our experience by spontaneously closing off our hearts instead of staying expanded, open and free. I have noticed that when I am hurt, it can be so easy for me to shut down and withdraw or want to stick up for myself in a pretty feisty way (another form of protection). The words or actions of someone important to me can trigger an emotional reaction that causes me to shift into protective mode. What I have come to deeply understand is that, upon reflection, whatever the trigger was that came either via words or behaviour matched what I believed about myself. In truth, it was my own thinking that needed my attention and love. I’ve noticed a similar pattern when I react to someone’s ‘negative’ energy - again it’s my own judgment and identification with the energy that spurs me to react. I now know that when I turn my focus inward, instead of focusing on the person or thing that I believe has stirred the painful feelings, everything shifts. I have taken responsibility for myself. When I take back my projections, I take back my personal power. Take a moment to breathe and enter your quiet inner space. Think back to a time when your emotions were triggered by someone’s words or behaviour. Through the eyes of loving curiosity, notice the ways that you protected your heart. What were you telling yourself about that person? About yourself? What would change for you if you really understood the ‘flaw’ that you observed in the other person is also present within you? What was that quality within you that was hard to accept? What didn’t fit your ideal about who you are? Continue to replay this scenario. Imagine moving ahead in time. What might have happened if you stopped and focused on your experience for awhile without taking any action? What might you have learned about you? What opportunity did you have to know and accept another part of you - leading to the acceptance of all of you? In order for change to occur in this pattern, it helps to be aware of and willing to acknowledge the benefits of staying open at a heart level to whatever comes our way. What is the cost of closing our hearts? What is it like to disconnect from ourselves and others in this way? How contrary is it to how we naturally want to be in the world - in heart connection - as that’s a joyful place for us. When we close our hearts, who is the one who really misses out? How do you shift away from that self-protective track onto a new, expanded heart place regardless of what comes your way?
In the spirit of being complete and not finished,
Jeannie is deeply committed to sparking the hearts of people to experience an inner confidence - that sense of wholeness, aliveness, and serenity that comes from deeply knowing yourself, fully accepting the lightness and darkness of being human, and living freely by standing in your own truth. In her coaching practice, Jeannie leads groups and works one-on-one with an international clientele. She has also been interviewed by such national magazines as Homemaker's, has been published in Esteem Magazine, and is a contributing author of "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life" along with such luminaries as Byron Katie, Mark Victor Hansen, and Ken Blanchard. To find out more about Jeannie, please visit her websites, www.innerconfidencecoaching.com and www.coachingcircles.ca and take action by setting up a complimentary session today. |
