When coaching this morning, a client stated, “It’s easy to love myself when I’m good and pleasant and pretty. It’s much more difficult when I’m just not there”. The context of this statement was that she was exploring the explosive and, in her terms, destructive anger that she can express. She wanted to “fix” this.
Is there anyone who doesn’t relate to her statement? Not in my world. I see most people have a more difficult time accepting those parts of themselves that do not measure up to how they think they ‘should’ behave. Loving themselves – no matter what – is a challenge in those intense, emotional moments that may be acted out as a release.
One shift that can be very helpful in embracing the reactive part of ourselves is to notice when we talk about emotions in terms of “my”. This has us claim them as part of our identity. And is it true that we are ‘a feeling’? What would be different if we saw feelings as an energy with a beginning, middle and end that are simply passing through? Would it allow us to simply observe them, be with them at a body-sensate level, rest into them?
When we pause and get connected to what is happening within us, we have the opportunity to respond instead of react.
I experience feelings. I am NOT my feelings.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.