‘Trying to control’ our own lives and the lives of those around us, especially those who are close to us, can be a common human trait. We want people to respond to us the way we want. We have expectations about how someone should be, particularly with us. We can get into thinking we’re right or that there is only one way – our way. We think that something must be wrong with us if our lives aren’t going exactly the way we think they should – and then strive or grasp or try to fix what we ‘think’ needs to happen so that we get on track.
Do any of these points of view sound familiar?
With age, there can be a shift in trying to control everything. We begin to open to the idea that unnecessary suffering occurs in the mind because we try to control our experiences. When we realize that thoughts and feelings simply appear without effort or a conscious decision, we can relax and let go of control.
We also realize that we really can’t control external circumstances. Life has its way. The Law of Attraction has merit, and there are holes in this theory. The reality is that suffering is part of life. Death, sickness, divorce, economic meltdowns, war, climate changes, unemployment , challenging personality traits of those who surround us (at least we think so ) – these are just some of the many circumstances that come with living on this planet.
A client shared, “I realized that when I let go of control, I actually felt more in control”. Why? She has less emotional charge to what is happening both internally and externally and, therefore, is able to stay present and grounded.
I let go of control NOW. I relax into knowing that I can’t control my thoughts, my feelings, and my body sensations. I can’t control all that happens in life. I simply notice. I allow myself to feel what’s there to feel. In the allowing, in the letting go of control, I dip into Presence.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.