Your Own Side of the Fence

All of us perceive life, circumstances, and other people through our own eyes - reflecting our own 'stuff'.

It is important to really get in your bones that what people make up about you is mostly about them - their own projections. You are not responsible for their reactions to what you do or say. They are responsible for making the most of every opportunity for learning that comes their way. In other words, they are responsible for their own 'stuff'.

When anyone tries to make it about you, control is in the air. They are on your side of the fence. Taking responsibility for other people's reactions/stories is being overly-responsible which leads to an imbalance.

Your job is to decide if there is any truth to what they are saying about you. Instead of living in the land of blame or victim, self-reflecting on your side of the fence is essential to your own happiness and the happiness level in your relationships with those around you. With self-awareness, self-honesty, compassion, forgiveness, and a willingness to expand, moving forward naturally happens.

What is also very important to get is that what you make up about life, circumstances, and other people is mostly about you. Your reactions are yours.  When you make it about someone else, control is in the air.

Self-responsibility leads to inner balance. From this perspective - truly taking responsibility for yourself as a creator instead of a victim - you know at your very core that you are at choice. You get to decide how you want to be in the world.

Your work is to get really clear about yourself. What are your values? What is living 'in integrity' for you? What stand do you want to take to make a difference in the world? All of this is self-directed, separate from other people's stories or rules about how you 'should' behave.


I am grateful to learn about myself through my relationships. I take responsibility for the mirroring of those around me so I can know myself more deeply. I release responsibility for other's reactions. I accept that there is no right or wrong in the big picture. I am okay. I am doing the best I can. I choose to learn new ways of relating- or not - depending on my own values.


Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is deeply committed to sparking the hearts of women and men to experience an inner confidence - that sense of wholeness, aliveness, and serenity that comes from deeply knowing yourself, fully accepting the lightness and darkness of being human, and living freely by standing in your own truth.

In her coaching practice, Jeannie leads groups and works one-on-one with an international clientele. To find out more about Jeannie, please visit her websites, and

Take action by setting up a complimentary consultation today.


© Jeannie Campanelli and, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jeannie Campanelli and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.