I received a comment by a reader which was much appreciated. She asked: how do I self-validate in the midst of the roles of mother, wife, friend? Great question which is both complex and simple to answer. To begin, simply observe your self-talk. Pay attention to the support or 'lack of' that you give yourself through your words. You will learn much about how your mind works and be able to identify its patterns. Self-doubt, an inner gremlin that says "be perfect", self-sacrifice, blame, stressful to-do lists or nagging are a few that might be your favourites. All of us have minds that can hang out in critical territory - either of ourselves or others.
Another step is to challenge your mind's thinking, particularly when you are feeling off balance. Ask yourself: What is really true? What do I know for sure? What is it like for me to think this thought? What would it be like if I didn't think this thought? These questions are based on The Work by Bryon Katie and worthy of a visit to www.youtube.com to hear her in action.
Learning to self-soothe...to listen and be with yourself in a compassionate and loving way is another part of self-validation. That child within us so appreciates this level of relating. Visiting my site, www.innerconfidencecoaching.com, has an audio meditation that you receive when you sign up for my newsletter. This provides an example of what truly giving to yourself might feel like. Enjoy! And please keep asking questions.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.