Trying to Control It All

Sound familiar? I certainly get this place. And what I know from experience is that it's an exhausting place to live. I'll say more about me in service of you with the goal of illustrating this perspective (defined as a way of thinking).

Trying to control my thoughts, trying to control my feelings, trying to control the future, trying to control my body in terms of weight and health....the list can go on and on. The word 'should' is often in the language that has me attempting to control. When stressed, I can use the words 'change' or 'fix'. At the very least, I become aware of that tense, body place of working hard to get it right (usually a knot in my stomach). I can be looking out there instead of staying with my inner self. These are all hints that I'm living in the Land of Control.

What's your list? How do you control? Create a page where you write down what you discover as you investigate this part of yourself. It's very important to know how you control or more accurately 'try' to control Life.

Next, stop and ask yourself: what is true here? What is an objective, absolute fact about control? In other words, would every healthy human being on this planet agree with the fact that we can control our lives? When we reach that place of clearly being able to distinguish between fact and opinion, we are getting closer to letting go. We watch for what remains after we've flushed out our opinions. Without trying to change anything, we simply notice what's true.


I surrender. I unclench my fist and drop the ball of control. In this moment, I'm noticing that I am crossing the line from the Land of Control into the Land of Simply Being ( a title of a book written by my friend, Marlena Field). When I release the need to control, I breathe deeply and simply observe. I rest in the moment and simply experience what is. From this spaciousness, I see what's next for me to experience. I stay on my side of the fence in my relationships. I trust that I will know how to respond. I learn what it's like to feel free - in my bones.

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.


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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people's needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled Claiming Your Life as Your Own: knowing, loving and being yourself. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in your journey. Visit