I once believed that I needed to tell the truth about whatever was happening within me, particularly if it was impacting my close connection with another person. This actually became a rule for me: I must share in order to be close. There was an aspect of attachment to the outcome and an attempt to fix what I perceived might have been a 'broken' connection. My sharing did not simply come from wanting to be known (into-me-see, another way of defining intimacy). It led to my using lots of words as I attempted to process what was happening for me/us. With those who knew how and liked to process like I did, it worked. For those who had a different style (my mate), it didn't. I would get frustrated and long for my mate to be like me.
How familiar is this scenario to you? What would be different if you looked at a disconnect due to your feelings of hurt or anger or disappointment as an opportunity to get past your story? What would be different if you just accepted what was happening in the moment for you and let yourself be with it, explore it, move through it so that the potential drama is stopped at the pass? If you came from the perspective - it is MY pain-body (Eckhart Tolle's term from "A New Earth" which I highly recommend reading) and I take full responsibility for it, what would be different?
What I have seen as a coach is that living in the place of: What is my part? makes all the difference. Separating from our assumptions (stories) by observing that they are, in fact, assumption draws us one step closer to full responsibility for ourselves. It's a practice that takes awareness and patience.
I breathe and tap into my awareness of what is the truth in this moment. I am free.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.