The Need to be Needed

Those of you who find your way to this site know what it's like to be a giver. To give your unique gifts to the world is very beautiful and central to the heart path of being human.

You likely also know what doesn't work in easily giving to others - the lack of inclusion of your own self in this giving.

When you disconnect from your natural self, peace/stillness/silence, and give from a place of "I should", "you can love me now", "look at me", "I'm so good", "I'm important", "I feel better" and/or "I have to avoid my pain", giving can be depleting and even exhausting. It disempowers others. There are strings attached when there is a sense of pride in being 'needed'.

Feeling needed, you may walk the path of the rescuer (a one-up position) that can only lead to the very worn path of the drama triangle from rescuer (and feeling hopeless in that) to victim (and feeling revenge in that) to persecutor (and feeling guilt in that) and then back again to rescuer.

I understand this place (it has been my path, too) and have great compassion for the giver because this kind of giving is a conditioned response to life's experiences. It's the only way we knew how to make our way.

This is a practice I want to share with you. Next time you have that urge to give - without even asking but rather assuming that someone needs what you need - stop. Go within. Ask yourself: what do I need right now in this moment? What would be nurturing to me?  That can be doing something as small as creating a smile. Or as big as taking time to do absolutely nothing. Practice this for a week and see watch how your world shifts.


I stop. I check within. I feel. I take care of myself in loving ways like I take care of others. I smile - a lot.


© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.