When we seek approval from others, we are playing a game. Am I okay...or not? Do you like me...or not? The consequence is that we are either in our own lives or over there - focussing on someone else's story/judgment. We become disconnected from our own Life. Our okayness becomes conditional on the opinion of others - a habit of mind that leads to suffering.
It's a process to stay in our own business. In other words, integrating the skills to do life differently takes time and attention.
For instance, I noticed while spending the day antiquing with two other couples that one of the husbands was 'reacting' to my excitement. Our energies didn't align as he was struggling with his second day of quitting smoking. Why I use this example is that I noticed his disapproval was having an impact on me. My mind started to play some of its old tapes.
What helped me get back to my center? Simply noticing an old pattern increased my awareness. Talking to my inner child with love addressed my feelings. Asking myself what is true (and challenging assumptions) grounded me more deeply. Sharing what I noticed with the intention to explore the learning for me had me/us move forward. With time, I see how quickly I now get back to center.
I am okay. No one can take that away from me. I take the time and energy to expand my mind with love and acceptance by tapping into my heart.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.