Bryon Katie, the creator of The Work, has done a brilliant job of teaching us how to be aware of whose business we are in with our thoughts. There is God's business, someone else's business, and our own business. In many ways, the 'claim your life as your own' work that I do is all about learning to stay in our own business.
For those who are attracted to my work as a coach, being in other people's business is a common habit. The impact of this habit is that our own energy gets scattered and ungrounded. We rescue others instead of empower them by seeing their resourcefulness and wholeness. We worry about our impact so try to take care of people who haven't asked us to do so. We assume what someone else might need and/or what they might be thinking and feeling and then alter our behaviour accordingly. We look to others for approval, appreciation, or love. We are OVER THERE imagining, assuming, watching instead of truly being in our own life.
When we are in the business of others, we give away our power - big time. We try to be in control. We try to fix our relationships or what we perceive as a problem. We focus on getting rather than giving our natural gifts that truly show up when we're simply being ourselves in our own business. We try to be in control when the reality is that control is an illusion. What ends up being created instead is resentment and distance - the very qualities we want the least.
This also applies when life is happening around us that doesn't coincide with how we think it should be. In this case, we are in God's business. The truth is that it is all out of our hands, and life has its own way of unfolding. When we are in our own business, we do what is our part to do and then let go.
Throughout this piece, I have written 'we' because learning to stay in my own business has been my learning, too.
This is what I now know:
- This tendency is not who we essentially are. It is a learned aspect of the personality or identity we call 'me'.
- Simply noticing this tendency in a playful, loving way makes all the difference. Being able to laugh at ourselves by exaggerating the quality is a great way to rest back into our true nature.
- Being in other people's business creates suffering. It takes time to integrate a new way of questioning the mind. Deep awareness helps.
- This is a lifelong practice that is fruitful and breeds authenticity as well as intimacy.
- It helps to get support. I have a coach, and it makes all the difference. Her sole mandate is to keep me in my own business.
Set the intention to notice. Whose business am I in in this moment? Begin here and see what evolves as you journey through standing in the power of your own Source energy to claim your life as your own.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is a coach and author who partners with naturally-giving men and women who place other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are disconnected from themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality, and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive gifts to support you in this journey home to yourself, including an e-course from “The Inner Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Claiming Your Life as Your Own” written by Jeannie. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.