Simply Giving

The need to be loved is often what drives compulsive giving. It can lead you into a hall of mirrors in your relationships. Compulsive givers feel unseen and unappreciated. They are also exhausted.

Here is what happens at the bottom:

  • You say, “yes” when you really want to say no,
  • You aren’t sure what you really want.
  • You smile when you actually feel like crying.

As the years go by, you discover that you’ve lost your identity. You’ve abandoned yourself in the name of giving to others. You feel that no one loves you for who you are. You can taste the feeling of resentment. Love doesn’t flow freely to others from your heart.

Know that compulsive giving is a habit. Here's how to be with this pattern:

  • See this pattern in yourself with total honesty.
  • Open your heart to the pattern - accepting it fully without trying to fix or change it. Allow yourself to really see the positive intention of this pattern to support you, however misguided in its approach.
  • Drop down into your body, grounding yourself in your feet, and place your attention on how good it feels to connect deeply to your core, your true nature. This sense of well-being in the body can take you beyond the mind’s cacophony.

In the well-being that arises within the body, the heart opens.

That is where you experience who you really are. And from that place, giving arises naturally. Doing arises naturally. You are no longer striving endlessly to do the right thing. You are no longer sacrificing yourself for love because you have learned that you ARE love.

This is the territory of the mysterious and magical heart, where the flow of life moves you away from the downward spiral and takes you for a wonderful ride.

Your connection with the joyful flow of life, pure love acting in your behalf, comes from simply being YOU.

Rest. Listen. Follow your body’s urges. Notice when your energy rises. In presence, trust that love is always here within your own heart - your true companion. Your grounded feet will help you along the way.


© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is a coach and author who partners with naturally-giving men and women who place other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are disconnected from themselves.  Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Ownto support you in feeling the serenity, vitality, and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive gifts to support you in this journey home to yourself, including an e-course from “The Inner Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Claiming Your Life as Your Own” written by Jeannie. Visit