Searching for Happiness Out There

Are you a person who has specific criteria that need to be in place before you allow yourself to feel happy? When you aren't meeting the criteria that you've set, do you feel dissatisfied, resentful and filled with self-doubt?

You may already have experienced what you wanted in the past - a home that you loved, a solid career, a sense of feeling fit and sure of yourself because of what you achieved.  And through life experiences like a divorce, the loss of a job and the natural changes that happen as you age, you are in a different position now.

You want those circumstances back. You try hard to make this happen by following the Law of Attraction principles that you read about in The Secret the best way you know how. And it's so frustrating that it isn't working for you.

As a coach, I've often witnessed this frustration which creates mental suffering. This suffering is based on the belief that real happiness comes from external circumstances. There is a belief that there are set 'rules' to follow and then everything that we want and desire will come. There can be a belief that there is someone out there, like God, who is doling out rewards and punishments according to how 'good' you are or how dedicated you are to your personal growth. When entrenched in these beliefs, we live expecting....feeling entitled...focussing on the future....trying hard to get it right so we get what we our power away.

There isn't any of us who don't identify with this thinking to some degree. We're all products of our conditioning. We have grown up in a consumer society with right/wrong thinking and pressures to succeed. We're human.

What's the truth? What changes when we deeply understand that life includes suffering? What is different in our level of contentment when we get that our happiness comes from living in the present and feeling appreciation for all that comes our way? What lightens for us when we accept that adversity is an opportunity to learn? What supports us to grow and stop us from judging our circumstances and ourselves?

There is so much richness is being with what is and looking for what is right in our lives. Feeling a sense of contentment and inner peace is priceless. I am privileged to coach rich people as well as people who are working hard to pay all the bills. What I see from my vantage point is that outer circumstances like money mean nothing in terms of happiness. It's all perception. Our internal reality decides if we are rich or poor.


I trust that what I am experiencing is what I am supposed to be experiencing. I embrace and accept who I am and what I feel in this moment unconditionally. All is well. My life is unfolding as I incline my mind to love and appreciation and follow my heart day to day.


© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Ownto support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit