Relating NOT Controlling

This past week, I again had the privilege of witnessing/listening to a man who has been a client of mine for many years. He reflected on how good his relationships are right now in his life. I asked him what is different for him. He knew immediately - he insightfully said that he no longer tries to control others. 

How did he get to this place? There's a wonderful book called, "Getting Real:Ten Truth Skills You Need to Lead an Authentic Life" by Susan Campbell which I highly recommend in my retreats and with individual clients. It is a process to integrate the paradigm shift of relating to instead of controlling others. He has been on that journey.

Along with integrating new thinking, the biggest piece that has him actually apply what he has learned is his inner happiness. He knows who he is - his strengths as well as his limitations. He accepts who he is. He also accepts his past and the people who have played a part in it. He notices the cues that tell him he's stressed and listens to the message by sitting back, 'being' and rejuvenating. He is honest with himself - asking the hard questions so that he truly checks in with his intentions. He makes his own choices.

The time and energy that he has applied to his inner growth has had a powerful impact on his personal relationships which ripples outwards to his work. To be in a place where he can let the people around him be who they are, respect them, love them and collaborate with them is an achievement that he went after - with success.


I focus on what is in my control rather than what is not. I am curious even when someone doesn't agree with me. I speak my mind - simply, directly and transparently. I want to hear the truth even when it's uncomfortable. I wait and see how others respond to me on their own without trying to manipulate anyone.


Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is deeply committed to sparking the hearts of women and men to experience an inner confidence - that sense of wholeness, aliveness, and serenity that comes from deeply knowing yourself, fully accepting the lightness and darkness of being human, and living freely by standing in your own truth.

In her coaching practice, Jeannie leads groups and works one-on-one with an international clientele. To find out more about Jeannie, please visit her websites, and

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