Real Kindness

Real kindness begins in your own heart.

When you are kind to yourself in gentle, soft, tender ways, kindness emanates naturally from your very being. There are no “should’s” or “have-to’s”. There are no rules.

There is no self-gain. There is no giving in order to get something- attention, love, respect, identity, importance.

When you listen to your heart and come from kindness directed inward, you cannot help but give to others in a way that is real and honest. In a way that is truly kind.

In real kindness, there is only you - present, directed inward, resting in your heart. In this place you are listening, and naturally expressing what is there in the moment.

This expression may look like a smile, a gentle gaze, an encouraging word, a deep listening with all of you. It may be a simple yes or no, a speaking of the truth as a pure gift to another. You are not trying to control or manipulate in an effort to feel better.

Every act of real kindness expresses love.

Kindness lies beyond the confines of the mind. It is a true expression of the essence of who we truly are.

How does real kindness grow?

Kindness blossoms naturally as we embrace each and every aspect of ourselves, including the lightness and the darkness.

It flourishes as we make choices that arise from listening to our own hearts first. Then we can be deeply compassionate with others.

Questions that can expand our capacity for kindness

When we feel upset with someone with whom we're in a relationship, we can ask ourselves the following questions:

Is it true? Ask this question in the context of the thought that is behind the upset.
Is it kind? to say something to the other person? Is it kind to me?
Is it necessary? to say something to the other person? Is it necessary for me?

The kindness I am pointing to is 100% about staying in your own business -only giving what feels kind to you. This level of giving is full of joy. The line between kindness to self and kindness to others disintegrates.

As the boundary fades away, the heart expands and we give freely, without strings.


Before you share an upset with your mate, a friend, or a work colleague, ask yourself: is this true? Is this kind to me? Is this necessary for me?

Before you decide to say yes to a request, take the time to consider: is this true that I should do this? Is it kind to me to do this? Is it necessary for me to do this?

Notice where these powerful questions lead you. Get curious. Explore - gently, one step at a time. Be kind to yourself.

Once you rest in deep kindness to yourself, what does Life reflect back to you? I’d love to hear what you discover.

In the spirit of being complete and not finished,

© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is a coach and author who partners with naturally-giving men and women who place other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are disconnected from themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality, and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive gifts to support you in this journey home to yourself, including an e-course from “The Inner Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Claiming Your Life as Your Own” written by Jeannie. Visit