In working with a client this week, a belief emerged: When someone understands my feelings, I know that I matter and, therefore, can feel connected to that person. Many of us can identify with the need to be understood and get how good that feels. I personally know that road, and I'm sure many of you know it, too.
The need to be understood. what's that really about? Is it love or fear-based? What are the behavioural patterns that emerge when we try to get others to understand us? Does it stop us from saying: "I'm sorry"? Does it keep us from truly listening to another? Does it bring us to a place of defending? Do we withhold when we don't feel understood? Do we try to control another which can lead down a rocky road away from intimacy?
Whose responsibility is it really to understand us? What's different when we don't expect another to understand us? What's different when we take the time to really listen to our selvesâ€¦with only love and compassion?
What would it be like if we didn't have the thought that our feelings need to be understood by another in order to be close? Imagine.
My invitation is for you to play with this and see what shifts for you.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
If you would like to use this article, written by Jeannie Campanelli, on your website or in your own e-newsletter, you MUST include the following:
Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.