In the midst of trying to care for everyone else, you can sometimes lose your sense of yourself. You can become disconnected from knowing what you want and need or how you really feel. You can ‘forget’ who you truly are and easily adapt to another person’s agenda - especially someone who is very important to you. You can be afraid to go after what you want or express what’s important to you. As a consequence, you may not be doing work in the world that is an expression of your values, your gifts, and your passions.
There may be times when your vitality is low because your attention is ‘out there’ in the lives of others rather than within your own heart and soul. You can be out of touch with your body and its messages to you. Your health can wear down from the stress of doing for others and losing touch with yourself.
Is It Okay to Be Yourself?
There’s a part of you that believes it’s not okay to truly be yourself so you can hide behind an image of being ‘good’, ‘attractive’, ‘smart’, ‘perfect’ or ‘successful’. You work hard at portraying that image, so much so that you can lose yourself in the trying. You are an achiever, working hard to prove to others and yourself that you’re really okay. You may judge yourself according to other people’s standards, afraid that you don’t measure up or that you’re not good enough. Their opinions may matter more than your own.
It can take courage for you to have a different point of view as you may be afraid of conflict and the possibility of rejection. You are very sensitive to criticism and avoid it by holding back what you really think or feel and ‘walking on eggshells’. You can doubt yourself and believe others have the answers for you rather than listening to your own inner wisdom. Without thinking, you say “yes” and have difficulty setting boundaries by saying “no”.
Who Are You Living For?
It’s often easier for you to give to others rather than receive, especially in the realm of love. You yearn for love and, yet, rarely feel loved. You yearn for recognition and, yet, rarely feel seen, understood and appreciated. You feel shame about aspects of yourself. You don’t truly see yourself so that you can deeply own your strengths and light; rather you mostly focus on your weaknesses. It’s often easier to see the beauty in others rather than in yourself.
You may have the feeling of not being truly ‘home’ inside you or seeing yourself as the author of your life because you haven’t claimed your inner authority. Blame is a place you can live because you can give your power away to either your circumstances or to others who inhabit your world. You look to others to validate you and work hard to ‘fix’ others to make your life right. You feel dissatisfied in your relationships and, yet, stay in a relationship because you don’t want to be alone. You may feel that you must rely on others for financial support or have difficulty setting boundaries around YOUR money.
If none of these are addressed, you can often feel that you live your life for everyone but you. Living your life for others means that you end up not deeply knowing yourself, a precursor to truly being yourself.
Find the Courage to Be Fully Yourself
What I’ve seen is that when you stop trying to please or take care of others and stay connected to yourself, you show up in a very real way. Your courage and inner confidence become more and more available to support you in making choices that are in integrity with who you are rather than adapting to what other people think or want.
Those who accept the imperfections of both themselves and their life find a true sense of well-being. This is because an inner confidence comes from feeling satisfied with all of who you are along with accepting your life just as it is. By accepting yourself and your life, you experience what is. You then have the opportunity to create what’s next for you from a place of gratitude and openness.
The Power of Inner Confidence
When you deeply know and accept yourself, you naturally move toward and attract how you are meant to contribute or that special person for you. Rather than “making things happen”, what you need is attracted to you effortlessly.
You may think that for your life to be your own, you must be single, independent and without children. What I have found is that wholeness and inner confidence come from loving yourself first, no matter what, within a relationship. This is because it is in relationships where your ability to take full responsibility for your well-being has the opportunity to grow. So what I do is bring you through a process in which you learn to take responsibility for your happiness while relating intimately with another, using Your Guide to Inner Confidence as a structure.
The Gifts of Inner Confidence
Here’s how your life would be different when you make the shift to inner confidence:
- You take full responsibility for your well-being and happiness and own each and every part of you. You make the care of you a priority, no matter what.
- You know intimacy by being willing to share your vulnerability and deeply listen so that you are able to cross the ‘bridge’ of connection from your own heart to another’s. When there is a quality that you want to experience from another, you become that quality yourself; then it is naturally reflected back to you.
- You set clear boundaries by knowing what you want and what you don’t want. By using your voice and acting in ways that support the expression of your essence. By taking back projections, that is attributing qualities, interpretations (stories) and assumptions to others that say much more about you than they likely say about ‘them’. In this place, your energy is strong, confident and vital.
- You feel a deep sense of contentment by knowing that you bring value to our world, contributing to others in alignment with the gifts you were born to give.
- You feel alive. Aliveness is about your blood flowing: feeling all that is there to feel, being in your body and aware of all senses, and fully experiencing what is happening in the now.
- With ease and joy, you attract true abundance, that all-encompassing flow when you give the gifts you were born to give. The foundational belief that you live from is that you know you are more than your thoughts and feelings. When you deeply know who you truly are, you experience freedom.
- You deeply know yourself. You accept the lightness and darkness of being human. You freely express the true essence of YOU.