Sometimes we think we're giving to another person and, when we're really honest, we're doing it for ourselves. Why do we feel compelled to give (or fix a problem) in certain situations? The outcome that we want is to likely feel more comfortable and avoid a trigger of our own 'stuff'. We know the difference when giving comes from our hearts - it flows and feels good. The 'fixing' goal is all about 'upstream' energy that requires effort and likely some angst.
To stop our old pattern of giving or fixing, it's really helpful to examine the belief that has us want to reach out or fix. Beginning with "I should" and then blurting the completion of the sentence usually leads you to the belief. Asking yourself: "Is this true?" is one way of making a new choice as to what perspective to stand in.
When we make a new decision about how we want to be, we actually give to another person at a much deeper level. For example, a client might give to a child or a mate in order to feel better themselves. When they stop 'rescuing', the other gets an opportunity to be resourceful and step into and own a new part of themselves in the journey toward wholeness.
In being true to myself, I give to others freely and with love.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.