There's a difference between understanding with our minds and really getting at a heart level what it means to love ourselves first. That jump from one perspective (giving to others) to another (putting ourselves first) takes reflection, awareness, courage and practice. When we are loving toward others at the expense of being true to ourselves, we can be off center and possibly feel powerless. We may be looking to others for love by being loving and 'good'. This is not a place of detachment which allows us to be unconditionally loving. Instead, our love can be rooted in need - giving love with a condition to love us back.
I have talked about this often as there are so many layers to learning how to truly love until it is really integrated within us. With the habit of looking outward for validation and love, we can lose a sense of ourselves and have few or unclear boundaries that define what we want and who we are. We can lose our voice, be out of integrity and get ourselves into trouble.
What are your beliefs that support this kind of behaviour? Get into the posture that typifies when you are wanting to please and take care of...when your attention is out there. Notice the sensations in your body. What are you saying to yourself?
That's a beginning place to explore to find the truth about yourself and who you are at your core.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.