Breaking Free

What does 'taking full responsibility' mean? The Karpman's Triangle is a powerful concept as it describes the Rescuer (the position we're in when we take care of or enable others to stay in the victim) and Persecutor (the position when we bully, blame or project our feelings onto others, especially if it's in an aggressive way) which are at the top two points of an upside down triange. The Victim (the place that we're in when we don't feel okay or powerful or at choice) is at the lower, third point. The Rescuer and Persecutor are one-up positions; the Victim is one down. Shifting from one point on the triangle to the other can show up in our dynamics with others or as our life position. In other words, the reality for most of us is that we generally hang out in one of these three roles...unless we are taking responsibility for our lives.

For instance, what would happen If the Victim took full responsibility for themselves? My guess is that the other two positions would then need to take responsibility for themselves, too. The game between these three roles would end.

I understand the Victim role, in particular, as it showed up in the way that I saw myself. It is a common role, especially for women. And I've heard it often in men as well. It's the place of "Poor me" or "I'm not loveable". It can drive the pleaser in us because it means that we've looked to others in order to feel okay. There's a lot of anger and resentment that lives in this role as well because self-betrayal can run the show. Other people's needs and wants come before our own, and there is an impact from that kind of thinking and behaviour deep within us. We are NOT loving toward ourselves. Our inner child is NOT happy. And the cycle of victim continues.

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© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Ownto support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.