Yes, it's true. Men come to me for coaching on claiming their lives as their own almost as often as women do. Their process can often show up in a different way. There are men who are very stressed from working long hours in corporations or at their own businesses to make the money necessary to support their families. A cycle may evolve from this lifestyle. In working hard, they don't spend the time that they'd like with their families and so feelings of guilt result. Their wives can feel resentment toward their husbands because of the time that is spent away from the family. The husband feels guilty. The wife feels resentful. The woman might take the role as the shopper to make up for her loneliness; the husband will not voice his feelings about the amount of money being spent. They commiserate in taking care of their feelings by spending more money than they should. What happens is that he then has to work even harder...and be away from the family even more to make up for his growing absence. When the quick fix is to spend more, the resulting impact can be more stress and possibly the continuation of a destructive cycle. He (they) can feel trapped.
You might not see the connection between claiming your life as your own and integrity. What I've seen is when you stop trying to please or take care of others and begin sharing your own needs and wants by staying connected to yourself, you show up in a very real way. Your courage becomes more and more available to making choices that are in integrity with who you are rather than adapting to what other people think or want.
What would be different in this relationship if each person courageously shared what was really happening for them? How does each person reclaim their life? What might 'living in integrity' look like in this scenario?
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.