Being with Jealousy

I was approached by a coach/entrepreneur to interview me on the topic of jealousy. Her questions were focussed on how to translate jealousy into confidence and how to handle other people’s jealousy toward yourself. As an Inner Confidence Coach, my sense is that my take on this alters from what might be typically said about this issue. I want to share with you what came up for me as we talked and what continued to be revealed to me as I sat with this topic.

The exploration of jealousy is rich with the potential to see and accept more of yourself.

Thank you, Luz Garcia-Pencock for bringing this topic to the forefront.

I invite you to spend a moment thinking of a time when you felt jealous, a natural feeling that most of us know. As with all feelings, there is an energy in the body. Find that. Be with that.

When you’re ready, begin to read the following to experience what resonates with you.

I remember a time when I felt jealous of my oldest sister who I perceived as the ‘apple of my father’s eye’. I made up a story that she was prettier, kinder, more lovable - in other words, that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t like her. Not only did I feel unworthy, I also felt ashamed that I would feel jealous of my own sister.

This is what I know now in my heart, and I want to share with you:

  • When I immerse myself in my thoughts - believe them, engage with them, give them the power to create my identity - I lose myself.
  • Shame is simply a feeling - neither good or bad, positive or negative. When I attach a label, a judgment, an analysis by the mind to any feeling, I become attached to it. It lingers. It is fertile ground for judgment of myself and others. I enter into the arms of control and miss the freedom that comes from honestly and simply seeing myself with accepting eyes.
  • Turning inward and moving down from the mind into the body is a powerful way to be with what is here, now. Grabbing the thoughts and running with them takes me to the past or the future.
  • Jealousy - or any feeling, for that matter - has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s about me as the perceiver. Totally about me.
  • The root of jealousy is scarcity-based fear. Being with any fear that arises is a beautiful way of connecting deeply with what’s in my heart. The more I enter my heart to honestly be with what is there, the closer I feel to myself. The more I know myself. The easier I stay in my ‘own business’. The richer I feel.
  • All feelings have the power to bring me more deeply into my heart, the portal into stillness. That is their gift when the mind is not running the show.

To conclude, I had the opportunity to comment on and be voted top new commentator for a LinkedIn question: What is confidence?  I spontaneously wrote: “To me, confidence is an inside job. Knowing myself. Accepting myself. Standing in what's true for me. Having the courage to be honest and real. Showing up as I am - and feeling compassionate and loving about it all. All this and more settles me into being centered and grounded and available."

Inner confidence embraces everything. Even jealousy. And that embracing - moment to moment and in ever-deepening ways - flows outward to others and changes the quality of a life.

Practice:

Find a way to the center of your body where the experience of stillness lives. Diminish into your feet so you feel grounded and connected.

Rest in this, your very being.

From this centered and grounded place, notice any feelings that are present. Allow them to be what they are without trying to change or control them. This is conscious, inner work.

Be in the awareness that feelings are ever-changing and separate from your identity.

Walk through your day as a witness of all that life encompasses.