As an Inner Confidence Coach, my sense is that my take on this alters from what might be typically said about this issue. I want to share with you what came up for me as we talked and what continued to be revealed to me as I sat with this topic.

The exploration of jealousy is rich with the potential to see and accept more of yourself.

Thank you, Luz Garcia-Pencock for bringing this topic to the forefront.

I invite you to spend a moment thinking of a time when you felt jealous, a natural feeling that most of us know. As with all feelings, there is an energy in the body. Find that. Be with that.

When you’re ready, begin to read the following to experience what resonates with you.

I remember a time when I felt jealous of my oldest sister who I perceived as the ‘apple of my father’s eye’. I made up a story that she was prettier, kinder, more lovable – in other words, that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t like her. Not only did I feel unworthy, I also felt ashamed that I would feel jealous of my own sister.

This is what I know now in my heart, and I want to share with you:

• When I immerse myself in my thoughts – believe them, engage with them, give them the power to create my identity – I lose myself.
• Shame is simply a feeling – neither good or bad, positive or negative. When I attach a label, a judgment, an analysis by the mind to any feeling, I become attached to it. It lingers. It is fertile ground for judgment of myself and others. I enter into the arms of control and miss the freedom that comes from honestly and simply seeing myself with accepting eyes.
• Turning inward and moving down from the mind into the body is a powerful way to be with what is here, now. Grabbing the thoughts and running with them takes me to the past or the future.
• Jealousy – or any feeling, for that matter – has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s about me as the perceiver. Totally about me.
• The root of jealousy is scarcity-based fear. Being with any fear that arises is a beautiful way of connecting deeply with what’s in my heart. The more I enter my heart to honestly be with what is there, the closer I feel to myself. The more I know myself. The easier I stay in my ‘own business’. The richer I feel.
• All feelings have the power to bring me more deeply into my heart, the portal into stillness. That is their gift when the mind is not running the show.

To conclude, I had the opportunity to comment on and be voted top new commentator for a LinkedIn question: What is confidence?  I spontaneously wrote: “To me, confidence is an inside job. Knowing myself. Accepting myself. Standing in what’s true for me. Having the courage to be honest and real. Showing up as I am – and feeling compassionate and loving about it all. All this and more settles me into being centered and grounded and available.”

Inner confidence embraces everything. Even jealousy. And that embracing – moment to moment and in ever-deepening ways – flows outward to others and changes the quality of a life.

Practice:

Find a way to the center of your body where the experience of stillness lives. Diminish into your feet so you feel grounded and connected.

Rest in this, your very being.

From this centered and grounded place, notice any feelings that are present. Allow them to be what they are without trying to change or control them. This is conscious, inner work.

Be in the awareness that feelings are ever-changing and separate from your identity.

Walk through your day as a witness of all that life encompasses.

The woods would be very silent
if no birds sang there except
those that sang best.
- by Henry Van Dyke

How often do you stop from fully expressing yourself in whatever way that calls to you because it might not be the ‘best” or at least as good as you think it should be? How often does comparison and perfectionism stop you from listening to your heart? Because of this comparison habit, how out of touch are you with ALL that makes your heart sing?

It’s important to notice and simply be with what is not working for you. It’s the conscious way.

I’m creating a new program called It’s My Life!: A Guided Group Adventure in Freedom, Self-Confidence and Finding Your Path. My heart sings as I do this in quiet solitude and in collaboration with others who are sharing their gifts with me.

I could stop myself from putting this ‘song’ out in the world by making all kinds of comparisons and excuses that keep me in fear. And I am moving on. Regardless of the outcome, I know that I’m receiving great pleasure in the creation of this adventure that will be expressed in my own unique way. I offer it as a gift. And I’m open and ready to co-create with each participant while in the experience of sharing it.

Like our beautiful birds that can bring so much joy by singing in their singular way, what is your unique ‘note’? What is your message? What makes your heart sing as you genuinely share yourself?

Is your message about beauty that can be expressed in a myriad of ways around you? Is it the message that each person is important, including yourself, that you express when interacting with others? Is it your humour that spontaneously ignites smiles and/or laughter, including in yourself? There are as many expressions of a message as people in this world.

Whatever your message or ‘song’ sounds and looks like, however you singularly express yourself, we need you. Even if it isn’t pretty, we need you. We learn from you. We see ourselves in you. You are important to the whole of life.

This world would not be the same without your message, your unique gifts, your way of being in your life.

Give yourself permission to find what makes your heart sing and express that in your own way. Stand in your own feet, feel into your own heart, be in your own body. Listen. Be open to what you are inspired to share and then express it from your heart to ours.

Practice:

Draw your attention to noticing when you hold back expressing who you are and what you stand for. Feel into that. See what’s present within you in that moment without analyzing, suppressing, making yourself wrong, or creating a story.

Notice the beliefs that disempower you and question them in a gentle, kind way.

Set the intention to play by expressing you and your message in a way that makes your heart sing. An in-the-body pleasure that feels right to you in every way.

Read more to find out how knowing your ‘stake in the ground’ is such a powerful way to draw you forward, creatively express yourself, and share your natural gifts.

A Key to Authentic Living

What do I mean by ‘stake in the ground’? Think of the metaphor, tetherball. The ball in this game is tethered to a stationary stake in the ground - no matter what.

Applying this metaphor to your life requires that you invest the time and energy needed to discover your own stake in the ground which you take a stand for – no matter what. You are worthy of this investment as there is so much potential for possibilities to arise from this grounded foundation.

For myself, I participated in a year long, leadership program for coaches about twelve years ago, delivered by www.thecoaches.com, in which I was challenged to discover my professional ‘stake’ in the ground. What I learned in every cell of my being is that I am all about supporting others to be in their own lives, as they truly are.

Throughout my years as a coach, I’ve designed what I offer grounded in this stake. This has brought me such simplicity and clarity in my work, and I’ve learned that this stake isn’t just about my work. It encompasses all of my life.

My stake continues to point me, every step of the way, to turn inward and deeply listen to what is in my heart. It has helped me to responsibly and playfully live my own life with love and grace.

To this day, I am integrating my stake into my personal and professional life in an ever-deepening way. It isn’t about ‘doing’ and perfection as this stake is essentially about ‘being’ myself. There is no changing, fixing, or adapting. Simply resting inward with an awareness of my stake sets the stage for a practice that supports me in being conscious, centered, and flowing.

My clients throughout the years have discovered their own unique ‘stake in the ground’. Creating possibilities for those who live in poverty; supporting consciousness in environmental sustainability; honoring freedom and individuality; creating beauty; standing for wellness in mind and body; connecting with self and others kindly and respectfully; and being mindful, centered and awake are just a few.

Here are some guidelines to support you in playing this inner game of ‘tetherball’:

1. Get to know all about you in every way: what’s important to you, what excites you, what are your strengths and natural gifts, and what are your weaknesses.
2. Keep turning inward to honestly explore and discover more about you.
3. Observe what calls you over and over again at a heart level.
4. Remind yourself that there are no rules that limit your stake. You can play this game your way.
5. Your stake tills the soil for you to truly BE in your life.

Practice:

Find a special time and place to reflect within. Be in your body, in your heart, in your feet, in your breath. With wonder, ask yourself: what is my stake in the ground? What is most important to me?  What is the stand that I want to take in this life? Why am I here?

Write in your journal, draw, mind map – express yourself in your way. The key is to rest in this inquiry and watch what emerges.

For those of you who need a structure to support you in focussing on your stake, I invite you to contact me for one-on-one time. I’d love to hear from you.

In the spirit of being complete and not finished,

With love,

A horticulturalist shares what he is learning about himself and his relationship to his work.

That unshakeable connection to the core of you is inner confidence, and inner confidence coaching is about building the resources to be able to touch this connection more…and more…and more deeply. It’s the foundation from which to navigate through the challenges of life.

This precious connection surpasses all others because it impacts how you experience each moment. It opens up the possibility for you to know in your bones pure love, joy, safety, trust, faith, wholeness, aliveness and so much more.

It impacts every connection you will make with another human being.

The core of your humanity can be called source, essence, the spark of the divine, soul, true self – that name-it-what-you-will mystery which is forever present when you turn inward. The heart is the way in.

From my experience, the key to opening the heart, the doorway into connecting with your core, is to energetically, in-the-body FEEL all that is present. This is particularly important if it’s a painful feeling as the human tendency is to resist pain.

As the years go by, it is the rare person in life who gets by without any wounds or trauma – and blessedly so. It is pain that has the potential to break open the heart, to soften the heart, and to be compassionate, gentle, and kind from the heart. Riding the pain through the heart downward into its energetic root will lead you to experiencing the ever-deepening love that is at your core.

In other words, vulnerability is a practice that will support you in deeply knowing that unshakeable connection to your core.

Being vulnerable to feel what touches you will support you to live an authentic life from the essence of who you are. ‘Being’ is the operative word as it’s from this grounded, centered, aware place that you consciously stay with the feelings that arise, without identifying with or analyzing them.

It’s important to note: it is unfair to expect that the triggers of your past wounds and trauma will be overcome so that you will never react again. You aren’t meant to behave perfectly. After that initial, momentary, habitual reaction to whatever life is placed in front of you, you have the choice to go within and DIRECTLY feel. In this, there is no need to express any story that your mind is telling you.

You can courageously choose to practice the art of keeping your heart open, being vulnerable, and giving yourself permission to be honest about what you are feeling.

Practice:

Notice when you are having an upsetting interaction with your mate, close friend, or a family member. Instead of expressing yourself immediately (reactive mode), turn inward to feel what is present within you. Welcome this feeling into your heart and give it permission to be what it is. Focus on the physical sensations of the feeling, opening every cell in your body to what is here now, following it down to its very root.

Simply notice the thoughts without analyzing or fighting with them. Keep refocussing to stay with the feeling in your body.

As you learn to directly be with your own feelings, notice how you can simply be with the feelings of a person who is close to you.

In the spirit of being complete and not finished,

With love,

*The creator of this month’s image is unknown. Please let me know if it was done by you.

Filled with lots of information and inspiration for all of you as she discusses how the body plays a significant part in our sense of well-being.  Marlena has lots of ideas on what is confidence and how you tap into it through the wisdom of the body.

Enjoy Part Two!

If you haven’t watched Part One as yet, I recommend that you do that, too.

Blessings,
Jeannie

She can be found at www.bodymindspiritcoaching.com

I’m excited to share with you my interview with Marlena.  I’ve known and respected her for a many years as a colleague and friend and very much value what she has to offer you.  I’m also currently being trained by Marlena as a certified trainer for holistic professionals who want to know the principles of “body-centered coaching” – a method that is recognized by the International Coach Federation and created by Marlena.

Inspiring.  Clear.  Practical.  Honest.

Marlena gives you a practical insight about confidence in the first of two interviews.  I invite you to watch….

Stay tuned for the second interview as we explore how inner confidence is a way to come home to yourself – and how the body will support you in every way on this journey.

To you. For you.  Enjoy.

Jeannie

To set an intention for this upcoming year wholeheartedly and clearly – with a witness to support you – makes all the difference. Consider a coaching session with me to begin your journey this year in a conscious way.

My invitation to you is to play – dancing with your inner and outer life – in ways that reflect self-responsibility, self-trust, and possibility. Let the new year begin….

The Dance with Stress

The pace of life is what it is. There are components we can manage at a pace that feels right to our own particular rhythm. There are aspects that are out of the realm of our control. Life happens. Challenges arise.

The daily practice of inner confidence is all about consciously buildingyour inner resources. In this, you discover the habits and limiting beliefs that get in your way of living life fully. You uncover the layers of emotions that are calling to be embraced. You get clear on what is important to you. You continue to move beyond – growing, deepening, evolving, unfolding into your life.

In stressful times, you notice that those patterns you experienced as complete and no longer in the driver’s seat are apparent again. You find yourself reactive and emotionally charged. Once again, you are in the throes of a wave that can take you to a very familiar place – it’s uncomfortable, you don’t like it, you want to avoid it – and it’s taking its toll on you mentally, emotionally, and physically.

It is in these moments that the fruit of your daily practice can come to the forefront. You notice any self-judgment and/or feelings of discouragement. You observe a tendency to analyze, to fix, to try hard to change what is happening. You make the choice to allow what is present within you to run its course through you - with the gift of time and space.

You trust your inner resources – that unshakeable connection to your core – by dancing with the stress that is happening within you.

This upcoming year of 2013 will likely bring all of us challenges in life. I invite you to give your heart to ALL of life, including those stressful moments. Experience the freedom to accept and simply be where you’re at in each moment.

Learning how to dance gracefully with it all, including what is stressful for you, takes you home to yourself.

Practice:

Reflect on a concrete, particularly stressful situation. At a body level, open your awareness to whatever is here for you to discover and embrace. See with honesty. Rest into whatever is happening without fixing or trying to change it. Give this energetic experience of stress lots of space and freedom to be what it is. Allow the energy to dance in your body in its own way.

Simply notice the impact of this practice.

In the spirit of being complete and not finished,

* The creator this month’s image is unknown. Please let me know if it was done by you.

www.innerconfidencecoaching.com/contact

Continue reading with the intention to deepen what you have just experienced.

This Time

This time, this moment, counts.
For myself, it has been so important to closely and honestly look at how I want to spend my time. This exploration includes examining my day-to-day habitual way of being with time as well as the bigger question of how I want to use this time of my life to its fullest.

Time, in itself, is the highest currency of true wealth. In these busy times, the sense of freedom and well-being that time well spent fosters surpasses any amount of money we might have in our bank accounts.

When you are centered and present, you are clear about what you truly stand for in each moment. Your inner knowing informs you how to gracefully move through time in a way that’s all about freedom, ease, flow, and lightness.

At this time, in this moment:

• Listen to your heart. What is it saying?
• Be in your body. Notice what is happening.
• Ground yourself to this earth. Bring your energy DOWN into your feet.
• Rest in that which is aware of all experiences.
• Nurture and appreciate wonder, laughter, peace, heartfelt receiving, the joy of being yourself – when those vibrations arise. You are blessed.
• Honor anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, hurt when these vibrations arise. You are blessed as there is opportunity here for you to discover more about yourself on this path toward being present in the moment.

Practice:

Choose one of the following questions that really resonate with you.

1. How do I value the moments in my day?
2. What are my priorities at this time of my life?
3. Does what I give to others show respect toward my time?
4. Am I giving my time from a place of ‘should’ or from my heart?
5. How do I give to myself?

Find a place to sit, be, reflect. Write in your journal if that helps you. Discover more about you and your relationship with time.

In the spirit of being complete and not finished,

With love,

http://www.innerconfidencecoaching.com/resources/your-guide-to-inner-confidence/

In between sessions, we met via the phone for group calls – there were 28 of us – along with weekly phone gatherings with just our mini-pod which consisted of 6 of us.  To this day, eleven years later, the latter continues to meet and support each other in our life and work.

One of the experiences we were challenged to do was climb a 25-foot redwood tree (with a brace!) and then leap off a perch while shouting what we were jumping into within all of our heart.  When it was my turn, I spontaneously and surprisingly (to me) shouted, “It’s MY life!!!!!!!!!!!!” at the top of my lungs.  This changed everything for me.

I knew that I was all about giving, pleasing, taking care of. I knew it was so easy for me to get lost in someone else’s agenda.  I knew that I was focussed ‘out there’ and often didn’t really know what I was feeling or what I wanted.

I was so ready to really claim my life. I left my marriage – a decision that was very right for me and needed to happen.  I went into coaching full time.  I moved back to the area where I grew up. I started a new life – from scratch.  My life.

The outer life changed big time; the inner life shifted more gradually.  It is from my inner journey that The Inner Confidence Process was born.

What decision is calling you in your life?  How are you moving through it?

I invite you to make contact me to explore how I can support you in creating what needs to be birthed within you.

http://www.innerconfidencecoaching.com/contact/