I’d like to explore further the writing that began in my newsletter about the impact on our lives when we live in either perspective: “I am inferior” or “I am superior”. In other words, when the drive of our ego to compare ourselves to others is in the driver’s seat.
In our relationships, whenever we think we know how someone ‘should’ behave or we judge someone for being who they are, we are coming from a superior position. It helps our ego feel better about ourselves. Whenever we feel we need to please someone and compromise our integrity in order to gain approval or defend ourselves so that we are seen as “good”, we are coming from an inferior position. Observing and becoming aware of our patterns help us make different choices. There is NO need for us to judge our humanness.
What would our relationship with our significant other be like, if we truly came from: I am equal; you are equal? What would this relationship look like if we each checked inside our core and created with our partner our own rules of relationship from this grounded perspective? What would be different if we truly claimed our lives as our own in our relationship and stopped living according to anyone else’s rules or expectations about what our relationship should look like? What if we felt equal to one another and everyone else and, therefore, free to create what works for us?
My experience tells me that there is so much spaciousness in this kind of relationship…so much freedom to be oneself. There is no attachment to our partner behaving a certain way and much more room for the soul to emerge. A friend who began as a participant at a retreat that I led years ago told me that her forty-year plus marriage worked because they didn’t put one another into boxes. They created the design of their relationship based on their own particular needs and wants and not on any other outside influence. They saw one another as equal partners in their relationship at a body, feeling level – not just in their heads. They acted on this belief, and it made all the difference.
© 2009 Jeannie Campanelli, Inner Confidence Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
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Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, partners with naturally-giving men and women who often put other people’s needs in front of their own. As a consequence, they are not connected to themselves. Jeannie offers a free e-newsletter titled “Notes on Claiming Your Life as Your Own” to support you in feeling the serenity, vitality and wholeness that comes from inner confidence. When you subscribe, you will receive a free guided visualization to support you in this journey home to yourself. Visit www.innerconfidencecoaching.com.