As we navigate through our lives, we relate with many people at many different levels. Even with connections that feel ‘just right’ most of the time, when we are aware and honest about what we see within ourselves, there are moments when there are emotional charges or judgments. In these moments, there is the gift of opportunity to turn inward and be with our own patterns, expectations, emotions, wants, needs and so much more.
Every relationship dynamic has the possibility to support us in more deeply seeing ourselves, accepting what we see and, thereby, opening our hearts.
I invite you to continue reading with to explore what resonates with you about your relationship to intimacy. Continue reading →
Your month will likely be filled with preparing for and celebrating the holiday season with family and/or friends. With so much happening that calls your attention to be “out there” – gift exchanging, entertaining and being entertained, feasting, staying up later than usual – it’s natural to feel a little off balance.
How do you turn inward and stay connected to the center of you, your very being, in the midst of all the busyness of doing?
I invite you to read further to explore ways you can nurture your beingness and, thereby, gently move through the holiday season with all of its joys and challenges.
The photos were chosen to give you a sense of the experience of true nourishment: connection, receptivity, love, fulfillment, and rest in each moment.
Animals have the capacity to be present without being controlled by the critical mind. They teach us about unconditional love.Continue reading →
I visited the beautiful Cotswolds in England this October.
David and I followed the marked public footpaths, never knowing what we would see around the bend or through the gate. It felt like being on the treasure hunts I loved as a child. Fields of sheep, horses, and cows, magnificent trees, wonderful birds, including the blue heron and swan, English gardens and charming stone cottages along with manors in the most out-of-the-way little villages were all to be enjoyed.
As we walked from village to village through the countryside, I experienced being present, alert, alive, and relaxed. I felt the delight of being in the moment without knowing what was next.
Come ‘walk’ with me. I invite you to pay close attention to your own self as your most important inner teacher. Enjoy the snapshots of what we saw along the way (taken by David) as I share the insights that unfolded during my walk. Continue reading →
In Canada, the rich season of autumn has arrived. It is during this time before the bitter cold of winter that us Canadians do what we need to do: in our gardens which we put to sleep, in our closets as we gather our warm clothes together, and within our homes to ensure that we will be warm. Like the animals, we start to prepare for what is to come.
In certain situations, preparing is a necessity.
What are the ways that you prepare for what is next in your life? Across the board, do you make a plan and do your best to stick to it? Do you take the initiative or do you follow? What is your modus operandi when you are focussed on your agenda? What works for you – and what doesn’t? What are the emotions that typically arise in this? How does resistance show up?
I invite you to read more as a starting point for inner reflection. Use this time as an opportunity to increase your awareness about how you create ~ moment by moment.
The topic, choice, has been with me these past weeks. The inquiry grew into: what is most meaningful to me? What is the singular choice that I consciously make to give direction and meaning to my life? What is the impact when I know and live by this choice inside my heart?
These questions opened the door to discover such richness. I saw the importance of being honest with myself beyond that which wanted to convince myself what I ‘should’ find meaningful. I felt drawn within to listen to my own heart.
My sense is that the impact of what unfolded within me is so much bigger than I can understand with my mind.
There is so much change that we experience through life – change itself can’t be avoided. With each change, like a new job or loss of a job, a new relationship or the death of a relationship, a new baby arriving or a young adult moving out to create an independent life, there is stress. Every change in your circumstances can challenge the inner you – whether that change is wanted or unwanted, considered good or bad.
When you turn awareness within in an honest way, you see habitual patterns that stop you from moving toward what is most meaningful to you. These patterns can run you at an unconscious level but once you see them, you want to change them.
While leading the It’s MY Life! Tele-Group, one of the participants commented that since each module is centered around the heart, it’s more accurate to call this program, “It’s MY Heart!”. That resonated with me.
What I have learned through my own experience and share with others is that when I fully commit to live from my heart each moment in my day, the ability to stand firm and straight in my truth changes everything.
I’ve used the words, “claim your life as your own” many times in my writing on this blog. This message continues to deepen, as this article so beautifully illustrates. Thank you, Kelley, for the inspiration and the work that you do to carry on Debbie Ford’s work in the world.
Claim Your Life!
Two weekends ago, I had the extreme honor of leading The Shadow Process Workshop in Miami. No matter how many of these workshops I have attended, participated in, or led over the years, I am always in awe of the shifts that people experience in the short time span of 2 ½ days. I am also so grateful to Debbie Ford for creating a process that continues to live on and transform the lives of so many.
On a personal level, I am always amazed that even after having experienced this process numerous times, I always take away so many insights and a-has! From the Miami Shadow Process, the concept that I was really struck with is that it is up to each of us to “claim our life!”
We all have heard the adage “You teach people how to treat you.” Yet what many people might not realize is that it is often your unconscious mind, which is far more powerful than your conscious mind, that tells and teaches people how to treat you and how to interact with you. It is also your unconscious mind that is filled with shadows and shadow beliefs — all of that internal dialogue that plays in your head and repeats disempowering statements like “I am not good enough.” “No one will ever love me.” “It is not safe to stand out and shine or be seen.” Ultimately, it is your negative internal dialogue that is your inner teacher, instructing the world how to treat you!
If you don’t see yourself as worthy, loveable, or someone who has something to offer the world then neither will anyone else, since how you see yourself, consciously or unconsciously, is reflected in how others see you! Debbie always used to say that if someone told her that the world treats them badly, she knew that it was because they treated themselves badly! If a person was seen as a “worker” instead of an executive, it was because the person saw themselves as a “worker” and had not claimed and truly owned that they are an executive.
If you truly want to live a life that inspires you, if you want to keep evolving, if you want to step into the next greatest evolution of yourself, then you need to claim it! When you claim yourself as your highest self, the universe alters. When you claim and truly own that “I am that!” the Universe will align with your deep sense of knowing. Understanding this concept is really quite exciting because if you do your work to bring the shadows, thoughts, beliefs, and negative dialogue that live in your unconscious mind into the light of your conscious awareness, you will be able to shatter your limitations and step into creating magic and claiming the life that you long for. The really exciting news is that everything you yearn for is already inside of you. You just need to claim it!
Transformational Action Steps
1. Take on “Claiming Your Life!” Identify some goal or achievement that you are chasing in the outer world. Ask yourself, “What is the number one quality or characteristic that a person who could achieve that goal would display or have?” Is it confidence? Discipline? Charisma? Spontaneity? Or something else?
2. For the next 28 days, wake up every day and ask yourself, “What can I do today to really own or display that quality?” Commit to yourself to do whatever action or practice you hear.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
I interviewed Edie Pett, a naturopath and iridologist who has a longstanding practice supporting others in wellness (www.edieeyes.com). As a participant in the Women’s Wisdom Circle, this is what she had to say about her experience:
It is so important to nurture the connection to your own heart, the portal into presence. As you find your centre where stillness and silence lives within you, you become more and more in touch with your inner voice. You come home to you.
The Wisdom Circle is a special place to nurture this as it gives the opportunity to practice silence, deep listening, and being in the heart. The circle is a safe and gentle container that holds the paradox of solitude and community.
I invite you to visit http://www.innerconfidencecoaching.com/womens-wisdom-circle/ to find out more. If you are called, contact me to add your name to the list for the next tele-circle.
What a treat to spend time with Julie. I met her in 2009 in California where we were in training together for awakening coaching and ever since take great delight in watching what she offers at her home on the internet – www.unabashedlyfemale.com.
Teacher, writer, and coach, since 2003, she has led hundreds of people from all walks of life to awaken the soul–the source of true creative expression within. Julie is a certified Creativity in Business teacher, which is a course from Stanford Graduate School of Business. Her work as a coach and teacher of Creativity in Business (and other adapted courses) has varied with the setting, from one-on-one to groups and businesses. She has worked with corporations, including Microsoft, as well as teaching Creativity and Leadership at Stanford University Continuing Studies. She has taught and coached women and men who lost loved ones in 9/11, and 9/11 widows who wanted to learn to love again. She guides individuals in specialized creativity courses across the country, and serves coaching clients around the world.
Listen in on this conversation to be inspired….it’s worth listening to every moment.
Firstly, I want to introduce Teresa, a dear friend and colleague, who truly walks her talk.
Natural. Real. Fresh. Creative. Fun.
Teresa O’Neill, CPCC, PCC, the founder of Become A Women Soaring, champions and supports hectic yet successful business women in claiming their own personal pleasure points. When you work with Teresa you will learn that you must mix business with pleasure. Her motto is “Play Powerfully, Work with Ease, and Feel the Flow”. Teresa is in her element when she sees women celebrating and having fun. She loves to create new opportunities and the visual reminders for them to enjoy even more space for their personal pleasure while running their businesses.
In this interview, Teresa shares her insights about pleasure and how it all ties into confidence. She answers such questions as: How are confidence and pleasure linked? What does making space for pleasure give you? How can you begin adding more pleasure to your life today?
I have an inner teacher. You have an inner teacher. Every human being has an inner teacher.
Some of the other terms for inner teacher are soul, true self, inner core, essence, higher self, big self, original nature, inner light, and integrity. Each term describes the ‘being’ part of a human being.
What you call it is not important; whether you nurture it determines the quality of your life. To nurture ‘beingness’ is to turn inward. This simple and powerful act will gradually lead you to deeply listen to yourself and your own knowing, and to connect to the inner stillness and silence that lies deep within.
Fertile ground is required to listen to your inner teacher and that takes an investment in yourself at a level beyond the daily to-do’s and preoccupations.
It makes such a difference when we ensure that all of the avenues are explored in the decision-making process. For a decision to be solid, it needs to be both congruent and sustainable.
Being congruent means that there is an alignment with the body, mind, and spirit. There is no disconnection between what you think and how you feel. In other words, the body, mind, and spirit are not in opposition to each other.
When there is congruence between what the mind thinks and how the body feels, decisions are made with a commitment to follow through. A sustainable decision is one in which you feel certain. You no longer second guess yourself – you simply know. You do not need to keep revisiting the decision, wondering if it is the right one. The decision becomes doable, concrete, and attainable. Your motivation stays intact.
Life. Purity. Beauty. Awakening. Clarity in heart and mind. Potential. Longevity.
The lotus flower is seen as growing naturally toward the light of truth, love, and compassion. It may appear fragile on the surface, yet it is flexible and strong, securely anchored under the surface of the water. Symbolic of the purity of body, speech, and mind, the lotus emerges from the water clean.
Honored and respected throughout centuries of time, this flower represents what is possible when we nurture the beingness part of ourselves as human beings. In this, our potential rises through the muddy waters of life ~ clear, awake, pure, and open-hearted.
When we place our attention inward to honestly see and embrace all that we find, the beautiful qualities like the lotus naturally shine through the very essence of our being. Continue reading →
A client asked out loud a question that, I’m sure, many of us have thought in our own minds. “Is it just me? Why am I so sensitive? Why do I have so much mind chatter? Why am I so reactive? Is everyone like that?”
My thoughts? Yes, it is the human way. We all have minds that are filled with concepts and points of view that can be limiting. All of us have ‘stories’ that are rooted in our past and influence how we see our current reality as well as the emotions that we experience. And there are people who choose to keep their inner cave closed, or at least a big part of it – NOT wanting to honestly and deeply explore. Continue reading →
sometimes there are no immediate revelations.
sometimes there are no immediate solutions.
sometimes there is no immediate movement.
sometimes we have to sit in the cocoon of ourselves.
sometimes we have to trust the process.
sometimes, even with the help of guides or teachers
we still are where we are
inside of where we do not want to be.
yes, you are outgrowing the container
but sometimes you still have to sit inside of it.
sometimes, that’s just how it goes.
and then you grow
and still, you must wait
to dry off those new wings.
still you must wait patiently
before you fly into your now clear vision.
sometimes…we are cocooning and becoming
for quite sometime…
but from inside the cocoon, the caterpillar
while dissolving whispered, ‘trust the process.
trust the process.’
I don’t want to be lonely no more.
I don’t want to have to pay for this.
I don’t want another lover at my door.
Just another heartache for my list.
~ Rob Thomas, “Lonely No More” (2004)
How many of you relate to the words of Rob Thomas’ hit single? You want to share your life with someone, really love someone, and yet over and over you find yourself in relationships that are not working for you. In your search for Mr. or Ms. Right, how many of you have found that the consequences of your choice have been painful and sometimes even traumatic? Divorce, financial loss, and a decrease in your confidence and self-trust along with emotional scars can all result from choices that were made in good faith. Continue reading →
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.”
George Bernard Shaw
Playfulness is about exploring and doing things that are all about pleasure – doing what you do for the sheer delight you receive in doing it. There is no ‘have to’ or ‘should’ in playfulness. Continue reading →
Welcome! I’d like to introduce Moreen Torpy. She introduced herself to me as a De-Clutter Coach with the intention of the two of us collaborating. Her discovery has been that those who contact her for organizational support of their physical space often have deeper, inner needs – ones that she doesn’t feel qualified to address as her expertise is in the physical realm. Continue reading →
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the right reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all the memories that held her back. She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right. Continue reading →
As I Began To Love Myself
I understood that at any cirumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at exactly the right moment. So I could be calm.
Today, I call this Self Confidence.
As I Began To Love Myself
I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs
That I was living against my own truth.
Today, I call this Respect. Continue reading →
My good friend and colleague, Mark Susnow at www.inspirepossibility.com co-hosts a talk show with Ralph Marston who is the author and publisher of The Daily Motivator to be found at http://greatday.com.
A treat for me to share more about inner confidence and the value that comes when we nurture this gift within ourselves.
Have you ever ‘tried hard’ to think of the movie you watched the evening before or what you ate at that restaurant last weekend? The answer just doesn’t come, and you finally decide to let it go and move on. Then a few minutes later, the answer comes seemingly out of nowhere. Continue reading →
A small, simple word for a quality that has such potential to have a far-reaching impact on your life. I’ve included a photo of the sculpture, Onion Girl, by Ann Fleming who writes: “Along the way of our journey through life the beauty of who we are sometimes gets lost in layers of protection like the layers of an onion. This piece is about letting the light shine down on our beautiful uniqueness.”
You can peel another layer of the onion by exploring how to nurture, embody, and integrate the quality of ease more and more fully into your life – step by gentle step.
How do you more fully lead a life of ease? In the midst of the drama, complexity, and stress that is part of living on this planet, how do you create a sense of ease?
I was approached by a coach/entrepreneur to interview me on the topic of jealousy. Her questions were focussed on how to translate jealousy into confidence and how to handle other people’s jealousy toward yourself.
As an Inner Confidence Coach, my sense is that my take on this alters from what might be typically said about this issue. I want to share with you what came up for me as we talked and what continued to be revealed to me as I sat with this topic.
The exploration of jealousy is rich with the potential to see and accept more of yourself.
I invite you to spend a moment thinking of a time when you felt jealous, a natural feeling that most of us know. As with all feelings, there is an energy in the body. Find that. Be with that.
When you’re ready, begin to read the following to experience what resonates with you.
I remember a time when I felt jealous of my oldest sister who I perceived as the ‘apple of my father’s eye’. I made up a story that she was prettier, kinder, more lovable – in other words, that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t like her. Not only did I feel unworthy, I also felt ashamed that I would feel jealous of my own sister.
The woods would be very silent
if no birds sang there except
those that sang best.
– by Henry Van Dyke
How often do you stop from fully expressing yourself in whatever way that calls to you because it might not be the ‘best” or at least as good as you think it should be? How often does comparison and perfectionism stop you from listening to your heart? Because of this comparison habit, how out of touch are you with ALL that makes your heart sing? Continue reading →
As we continue to move through 2013, I invite you to take the time to reflect on what you’re really about in this life. In other words, from a big picture view, where are you placing your attention?
Read more to find out how knowing your ‘stake in the ground’ is such a powerful way to draw you forward, creatively express yourself, and share your natural gifts.
A Key to Authentic Living
What do I mean by ‘stake in the ground’? Think of the metaphor, tetherball. The ball in this game is tethered to a stationary stake in the ground – no matter what.
Applying this metaphor to your life requires that you invest the time and energy needed to discover your own stake in the ground which you take a stand for – no matter what. You are worthy of this investment as there is so much potential for possibilities to arise from this grounded foundation.
For myself, I participated in a year long, leadership program for coaches about twelve years ago, delivered by www.thecoaches.com, in which I was challenged to discover my professional ‘stake’ in the ground. What I learned in every cell of my being is that I am all about supporting others to be in their own lives, as they truly are. Continue reading →
A colleague and friend used the phrase, “an unshakeable connection to my core” while sharing with me about herself, and my whole body smiled upon hearing it. I love that phrase!
That unshakeable connection to the core of you is inner confidence, and inner confidence coaching is about building the resources to be able to touch this connection more…and more…and more deeply. It’s the foundation from which to navigate through the challenges of life. Continue reading →
Filled with lots of information and inspiration for all of you as she discusses how the body plays a significant part in our sense of well-being. Marlena has lots of ideas on what is confidence and how you tap into it through the wisdom of the body.
Enjoy Part Two!
If you haven’t watched Part One as yet, I recommend that you do that, too.
Marlena Field is a Professional Certified Coach. As an expert in using the body as a resource for change, Marlena created a body-centered coaching method, wrote a book and created CDs of live coaching demonstrations. Her techniques combine mindfulness and the body’s wisdom for the purpose of integrating body, mind and spirit. These help coaches and other helping professionals assist clients to access body information that creates a greater depth of insight, self-awareness and self-acceptance.
I’m excited to share with you my interview with Marlena. I’ve known and respected her for a many years as a colleague and friend and very much value what she has to offer you. I’m also currently being trained by Marlena as a certified trainer for holistic professionals who want to know the principles of “body-centered coaching” – a method that is recognized by the International Coach Federation and created by Marlena.
Inspiring. Clear. Practical. Honest.
Marlena gives you a practical insight about confidence in the first of two interviews. I invite you to watch….
Stay tuned for the second interview as we explore how inner confidence is a way to come home to yourself – and how the body will support you in every way on this journey.
January provides you with a special opportunity to reflect on your precious life. What is calling you?
To set an intention for this upcoming year wholeheartedly and clearly – with a witness to support you – makes all the difference. Consider a coaching session with me to begin your journey this year in a conscious way.
My invitation to you is to play – dancing with your inner and outer life – in ways that reflect self-responsibility, self-trust, and possibility. Let the new year begin….
The Dance with Stress
The pace of life is what it is. There are components we can manage at a pace that feels right to our own particular rhythm. There are aspects that are out of the realm of our control. Life happens. Challenges arise.
Before you begin, take a moment to gently close your eyes. Say to yourself the phrase, ‘present to this moment, and feel the frequency of these words fall into your body from the top of your head downward into the depth of your heart and beyond. Notice its impact on the body.
Continue reading with the intention to deepen what you have just experienced.
This time, this moment, counts.
For myself, it has been so important to closely and honestly look at how I want to spend my time. This exploration includes examining my day-to-day habitual way of being with time as well as the bigger question of how I want to use this time of my life to its fullest.
Time, in itself, is the highest currency of true wealth. In these busy times, the sense of freedom and well-being that time well spent fosters surpasses any amount of money we might have in our bank accounts. Continue reading →
Years ago when I first started coaching instead of counselling, I enrolled in a year long leadership program led by The Coaches Training Institute. This was an amazing time for me which shifted the direction of my life. Our group met at four different times in Northern California for a week of powerful experiences that brought us to another level of connecting with ourselves and others. The goal was to support us in finding our own message to bring to the world, one that was uniquely ours to give along with a structure within which to give it. Continue reading →
A lifetime of seeking has taught me important lessons and insights that are now part of the mosaic of how I navigate through this life.
The following are what most stand out to me:
Disappointedly being born a girl in a family that really wanted a boy laid the foundation for me to grow up feeling like I had to earn a place in my family’s heart. Whether this was true or not, the child within us has its own logic. What I learned is that I was the one who allowed that story to influence my life. With awareness, compassion, self-responsibility, and inner resources that grew over time, that story has dropped away. What remains is this passion for supporting women to love and accept themselves, no matter what. I have this big empathy for those who haven’t yet discovered the beauty and love that lies within. Continue reading →
It can be challenging in a busy life to turn your attention to the need for and importance of REST.
What is your need for ‘rest’ breaks? How connected are you to this need? How can you make rest more of a daily priority? What part does rest play in your connection to inner confidence?
The following is an invitation for you to set the intention to experience rest, value rest, and become a dear friend with rest as you move through your life.
The Art of Resting
There is something very powerful about the state of ‘rest’. When you value rest and commit to making time to nourish it, rest can significantly influence the quality of your life and support you in coming home to yourself. Continue reading →
Melanie Keveles and I met over eleven years ago when we both took part in the Coaches Training Institute’s year long leadership program. Since then, we are two of five coaches who talk weekly – supporting each other’s businesses, coaching each other, and sharing what’s up in our lives.
In this video interview, I’m thrilled to highlight Melanie’s latest venture – an e-book all about career coaching and starting fresh. She’s an expert in this and relates what she knows about confidence in relation to your career.
In the next 9 minutes plus, we will talk about:
a strategy to challenge beliefs that get in the way of you moving forward in your career
a simple technique to support your vision of what’s next for you
Stay tuned for Part 2! Melanie is back tomorrow with a great tip for
the visionary in you.
Melanie R. Keveles, MA, CPCC, MCC and President of Starting Fresh Coaching LLC (startofsomethingbig.com) is a master certified coach, writer and trainer who specializes in helping people achieve their career goals. Her clients are career changers, aspiring entrepreneurs and creatives. In addition to managing a thriving international coaching practice, she is also a faculty member for one of the oldest and most prestigious coach training programs, The Coaches Training Institute of San Rafael, CA.
Prior to her coaching career, Melanie was a pioneer in the field of outplacement and co-authored with Judith A. Dubin, Fired for Success: How To Turn Losing Your Job into the Opportunity of a Lifetime! (Warner Books, 1990). Her book about women entrepreneurs, Scrappy Startups: How 15 Ordinary Women Turned their Unique Ideas into Profitable Business was published by Praeger Press in 2009.
She has more than 25 years of experience working with people from every walk of life and organizational level to reinvent themselves. In one of her incarnations with a career management company, she created one of the first Internet-based entrepreneurial and career-oriented Web sites.
Welcome Back for Part 2 of My Interview with Kate!
Insightful. Clear. Inspiring.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Kate Swoboda, otherwise known as Kate Courageous. Kate supported me in working through the process of updating my website. In this interview, I got to be with her in a new venue and ask for her ‘take’ on building confidence.
If you’re seeing this interview for the first time, I recommend you visit the blog prior to this one so you find out about how Kate links integrity and passion to inner confidence.
In the next 9 minutes plus, you will hear more about passion, the in-depth conversation that began in Part One. You will also hear Kate share the simple most important tool that you help you make a big change in your life.
I have just had the pleasure of interviewing Kate Swoboda, otherwise known as Kate Courageous. Kate supported me in working through the process of updating my website. In this interview, I got to be with her in a new venue and ask for her take on building confidence.
In the next 8 minutes plus, you will hear about how integrity plays a big part in building inner confidence.
I don’t think that one can really feel confident when they’re selling out on themselves.
You will also hear about how Kate taps into her passion to give you an insight as to how you can connect with your own passion.
Kate shares about this…
Knowing what works for you and what doesn’t work for you is what paves the way for passion.
Enjoy! Be inspired to look more deeply into your integrity and passion.
The foundation of living your life in your own unique way is an inner knowing about what is most important to you. Listen to your heart’s inner whispers. Devote yourself to this, only this, in a conscious way. Your life will become simple.
Yes, all of us can look at our current lives and find some evidence of what we may be unconsciously devoted to:
a particular story that creates drama
a habit that is all about wanting, expecting or trying to force getting your own way.